Am I that shallow before? I don't know. I despise shallow people the most, I don't wanna be one of them, yet, there might be a chance that I already live that kind of life before. Though I hope I did not.
At thirty, the show I am living, gradually changing into a dark comedy.
Depressing, yet,
I'm still capable of laughing. Strangely find myself smirking. I feel everything, deeply. Heavily. I never thought thoughtfulness gonna be this heavy. Like a dark clouds following you everywhere. Reminds you that in life, "it is" never always be "what it is".
Oh, and in this dark comedy stage, theres this one ingredient that always be there wherever you go, whatever you do, whichever emotion you put on your face.. that salt-kind-ingredient of life: sadness.
On such a happy-setting-stage, sadness still presence in the far far away corner. Hiding in the darkness. I might not spot it right away, consciously at some occasion, but I would always find it whenever I let myself uncosciously search for it. Thankfully, theres one thing nice about sadness,
it gave extra meaning in whatever I see through it.
Now, I'm not that innocence anymore.
Well yeah, I'm thirty for the record, it's normal at that stage of life. Though I did miss my old self sometimes ----that happier me, but... life must go on! yeah?
Whatever life put you through, whichever sight life force you to see... what kind of ruin you ended up to be, that's on your hand. They are the result of your own choices.
So, yeah! Life must go on. Because I refused to be that irresponsible.
My life might been a mess collide with bad habbit, bad attitude... and a heavily resentment. It might not the life that I always wanted, but life must go on.
With that in mind, I know I might life in this denial state forever... but, that's the best choices I could pick, right now. For now. So, it's ok. It's ok. Or so I say.
